Ambitious America Outdoes Itself With Two School Shootings In One Day

On Friday, America, discontent with its average of one mass shooting per day in 2015, attempted to raise the stakes as two school shootings have taken place. Hey, we’re a hard-working, God-loving, and gun-loving people!

First, this morning at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, an individual was taken into custody after he shot four people, killing one. The New York Times reported the incident took place near a residence hall.

BREAKING: Official says 1 dead, 3 wounded in shooting at Northern Arizona University.

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— The Associated Press (@AP) October 9, 2015

Then, just several hours later in Texas, NBC reports, “One person was killed and another wounded in a shooting near Texas Southern University, police said. Police said a possible suspect had been detained. The shooting occurred around 11:30 a.m. CT near the university’s student housing complex, NBC affiliate KPRC reported, adding that the campus had been placed on lockdown.”

For second time in one day, there's a campus shooting. 1 dead; 1 wounded at Texas Southern University. http://t.co/pbklG1pDBK

— Jim Roberts (@nycjim) October 9, 2015

Both schools suspended classes for the remainder of Friday.

The day could have been much worse however. There are also reports of two planned school shootings that were thwarted by police: one in Great Falls, Montana, and the other in Denver, Colorado, where a single male gunman was reported on a high school campus. According to Boing Boing, the Denver high school remains on ‘lockdown’ at this time. The Denver Post has yet to update their story.

Of course, as the body count is so low in these cases, they’ll just simply blend in to all the other gun-related deaths that will inevitably occur today and each and every day in America. We’re #1! We’re #1! Sigh.