15 Panoramic Dog Photos Guaranteed to Freak You Out
Humor| | By Emily Rosenthal
Canine Panorama Offender 1
My hunch: This pup knew what he was doing when he moved during his owner’s panorama photoshoot. The three-eye look is avant-garde and very thought-provoking. Perhaps he is trying to send us a subliminal message of some sort? His look is also very reminiscent of the three-headed dog Fluffy who tried to eat Harry and the gang in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Good job, my furry friend.
Canine Panorama Offender 2I can’t even criticize this dog. He is on a yacht and I had to “get my finances in order” before deciding to pay the extra 39 cents to put cream cheese on my bagel this morning. Does his tongue look uncomfortably long? Yes, I think he yawned during the panorama — exhausted after a long day at the office, just trying to kick back on his boat. Are his eyes and nose completely indistinguishable? Yes. Does he even have eyes? Unconfirmed. Alas, plastic surgery is always an option. His photo screams, “I can foot the bill for a nose job.”
Canine Panorama Offender 3All evidence points to the following theory: This contorted dog is actually a 17-year-old boy sneaking out of his suburban New Jersey home to drink s Four Loko in a friend’s basement. I’m on to you. Act normal when you get home.
Canine Panorama Offender 4
This pooch’s expression reminds me of the face you make when the following sequence of events occurs:
(1) Someone tells you to “relax.”
(2) You want to yell “I AM RELAXED!”
(3) You realize that yelling “I AM RELAXED” will prove quite the opposite.
(4) You sit and brood, but reign victorious.
Canine Panorama Offender 5These women are attempting to re-create the scenes from Sex and the City when the Core Four would “jog” (Read: walk slightly faster than normally and whine about Charlotte’s divorce) through Central Park. Frankly this dog wants no part of it — and I find his intentions respectable. He came here for a workout, not to banter about how “Brooklyn is the new Manhattan.”
Canine Panorama Offender Number 6This photograph is particularly alarming because I count three and a half (?) labradors. This dog didn’t even try to stay still. It appears that he pivoted, tried to do the “worm,” then attempted to assault a man with khaki shorts. The choreography is impressive. Good boy!
Canine Panorama Offender 7I typed “synonyms for disturbing” into Google and the following words to describe this image appeared: disquieting, creepy, distressing, troubling, worrisome. First of all, the distorted chihuahua pictured brings vivid memories of the horror movie Human Centipede to mind. Also — why are all of these clothed chihuahuas congregated here? What are they planning?
Canine Panorama Offender 8I like his ear up there. It reminds me of a time of comfort and hope — 2011, when Justin Bieber’s hair resembled this golden retriever’s right ear. Why would you switch to a buzzcut, Justin? Why dye it blond? Tell me why have your Instagram posts been so weird lately? Do you and Selena still talk? Sorry, um, yes this dog looks friendly. His little bed looks comfy. Sorry about your ear, pal.
Canine Panorama Offender 9The erroneous panorama worked to this pet’s advantage — he looks buff! If the Jersey Shore cast adopted a dog, they would have picked this one. #GTL — but don’t let it get to your head, pup (pun not intended…ok maybe slightly intended). Once your owner deletes this silly photo, you will be transformed back into a fluffy poodle — which is pretty cute, too.
Canine Panorama Offender 10“Two roads converged at a road and, I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference. Because my torso disappeared.” — Robert Frost. I am sorry that 75 percent of your body is gone buddy, but I will still probably use this scenery shot as my laptop background.
Canine Panorama Offender 11
This dog could probably dance with his owner if he managed to stand up on two feet. And if he is interested in standing on two feet for the long haul (ha), he is definitely tall enough to consider a career in modeling. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That face! That absurdly long torso! The woman walking him could be this rising star’s momager — move over, Kris Jenner.