John Oliver Offers The Profanity-Laced Paris Terrorist Rant We’ve All Wanted
On Sunday night’s episode of his satirical HBO news show, comedian John Oliver started the show with a two-minute monologue addressing the terrorist attacks that occurred in Paris Friday night. [Warning: foul language.] Needless to say, Oliver didn’t hold any punches when addressing the “gigantic fucking assholes” who perpetrated the attacks.
Oliver, thanks to the benefits of cable television, had no need to filter or censor his frustrations over the tragic events that unfolded Friday, the same frustrations likely felt by millions across the world. “So here is where things stand: First, as of now, we know this attack was carried out by gigantic fucking assholes. Unconscionable, flaming assholes, possibly working with other fucking assholes, definitely working in service of an ideology of pure assholery. Second, and this goes almost without saying, fuck these assholes. Fuck them, if I might say, fuck them sideways.” With his signature witty fashion, Oliver finished the angry diatribe by offering a myriad of reasons why waging a “culture war” against France is doomed to fail and “our thoughts are truly with you” in the aftermath of the tragedy. The latest reports indicate the attacks Friday night were a coordinated attack by at least eight individuals with ties to the terrorist group ISIS and masterminded by a Belgian national. In the attacks, at least 129 people were killed and more than 300 injured.