‘Head For The Hills During The Next Zombie Apocalypse,’ Say Researchers

Finally, there’s an answer to the question, “Where should I go during the next zombie apocalypse?” That would be in the mountains of Montana. You could also seek refuge in the desert of Nevada but who wants to spend the apocalypse in all that dry heat? This information is brought to you be team of researchers at Cornell University. That would be the same college that costs $63,000 for an official Ivy League education!!! Good to see mom and dad are getting their money’s worth.

To come up with the location answer, the researchers put together a computer simulation of a zombie attack. The simulations started with a zombie outbreak in big cities and then moved across the country. The researchers were quick to point out that a zombie outbreak won’t look like a flu outbreak.

“‘ Zombies’ is really distinct from normal diseases,” head researcher Alex Alemi told NBC News. “In normal disease, people usually recover on their own. The zombies don’t get better. They don’t die from the disease and they don’t recover on their own. They have to be killed by humans.” In the meantime, the researchers’ simulation showed that zombies would kill a lot of the population.

“After four weeks, much of the United States has fallen, but it takes a very long time for the zombies to diffuse and capture the remaining portions of the United States. Even four months in, remote areas of Montana and Nevada remain zombie-free,” according to Alemi.

(for obvious reasons, who the hell wants to hang out in this place?)

They also said the worse place for the outbreak would be in Bakersfield and north Eastern Pennsylvania. I get the feeling those hot zones were picked because the researchers have former girlfriends living in those areas. They intend to make their presentation at an upcoming meeting of American Physical Society.

Let’s review: Zombie outbreaks will start in a city and spread fast. Zombies will kill a lot of the population. Zombies can only be killed by humans. The best place to avoid zombies is to go where there are no zombies. It costs $63,000 to go to Cornell.

For future reference, the zombie researchers might want to simply tune in to watch The Walking Dead. Could have provided them with the exact same conclusions and saved a lot of effort.