“Hell Yeah” Jeb Bush Would Kill Baby Hitler
While other presidential candidates are thinking about the babies they’d kiss on the campaign trail, Jeb Bush is shaking things up by talking about the babies he’d kill. In a new campaign strategy for the struggling Republican presidential candidate, Jeb Bush came out as strongly anti-Hitler and pro-time travel when he admitted that he would kill Baby Hitler.
The tough-on-crimes against humanity candidate was asked what the “funniest or most bizarre email” he’s received during his campaign. Bush instantly replied, “It said ‘if you could go back in time and kill baby Hitler, would you? I need to know.’” The interviewer, intrigued as we all are (admit it), doubled down and asked, “Would you?” “Hell yeah, I would,” Bush replied. “You gotta step up, man.” As crazy as the idea sounds, Bush used this opportunity to position himself as a thoughtful candidate who considers repercussions before acting. “The problem with going back in history and doing that is that we know from the series…Back to the Future, it could have a dangerous effect on everything else,” Bush said, with the space-time continuum always on his mind. However, Bush quickly reaffirmed that he would go through with the act regardless. Political analysts (read: me) are seeing this as a signal from the Bush campaign that he has already given up on getting the scientific community’s vote. Instead, Bush is attempting to shore up the anti-Hitler vote, which makes up an overwhelming majority of the entire planet. Like most candidates in primary elections, Bush took a firm stance without providing much information on details or how to deal with the fallout. Would he use a DeLorean or H.G. Wells’ design? How would he explain to police at the time why he just killed a baby without sounding like a total nutcase? Would he consider aborting fetus Hitler, or is that still against his party’s platform? There is no word if these questions will be addressed during tonight’s Republican primary debate. The question of going back in time and killing Hitler surfaced three weeks ago when the NYT Magazine asked Twitter what they would do. The topic instantly started trending and became fodder for comedians, politicos, and time travel theorists alike. 42% of respondents answered “yes,” 30% answered “no,” and 28% answered “not sure.” If you still don’t believe any of this is real, check out the video of Jeb Bush’s answer below:
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